Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
only you would photoshop your dick
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
