it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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