K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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