I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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