Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
