whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
