i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
