when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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