im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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