just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
