I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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