What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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