First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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