Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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