I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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