You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
