Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
