I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
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