I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
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There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
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I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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