plz talk dirty to me
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
