Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
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She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
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I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
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