so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
