i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
