Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
