I think scott just propositioned me for sex
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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