Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize