At least make sure they are 18
Why
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
