is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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