some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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