dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
