shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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