you guys were way drunker than both of me
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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