Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
