I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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