my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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