He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
