dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
ugly people sure do ruin things
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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