WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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