now i know why i became what i already was.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
