Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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