Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
