Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
