I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
