Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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