The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
