I like to think it a success when the cops are called
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
zippers are such a cool invention
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
