someone get that fucking seahorse.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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