I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize