let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize