I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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