don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
