So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
