Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
