Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
