Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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