if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
