this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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