Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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