Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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