There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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