So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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