I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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