I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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