These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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