Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
