So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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