So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
