I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
