My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
this beer tastes like vomit already
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize