i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
