Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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