We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
