just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
