remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Alive.
So much puke
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
