I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I love having hate sex.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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