i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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