so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
dude. I can hear the air.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
