Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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