You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
