I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I skipped work to stalk him.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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