It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
