He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
