It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
