omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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