Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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