if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
